How Trump killed soap

Scriptwriters would be hard pushed to beat the Trumps when it comes to melodrama.

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Dynasty: "a high-camp bacchanalia of sedition and backbiting"
(Image credit: Credit: United Archives GmbH / Alamy Stock Photo)

As an only child, I've never been jealous of a successful sister, or had to deal with an envious brother. That's lucky because sibling rivalry can ruin even the happiest families. And when it comes to the super-rich, "massive sums of money sometimes amplify these patterns to deafening, blinding levels", says psychologist Oliver James in the FT.

"After the death of one patriarch I knew, when the family began dividing the valuables, the Raphaels, Picassos and other valuable paintings all had the name of the eldest son written on the back." Unsurprisingly, "to this day, there is a major rift between the siblings".

You can, then, perhaps sympathise with the two children who sought to overturn their late father's will. Instead of wanting a bigger share of the pie, the duo wanted the court to "give most of the money to charity to force their siblings to take up gainful employment and to protect the grandchildren from being demotivatedby inheritance". Sadly, the rest of the family saw this touching gesture in a very different light, leading to "disastrous discord".

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One feuding family that certainly didn't let blood ties get in the way of self-interest and advancement were the Carringtons, the fictional stars of the 1980s hit TV show Dynasty.A "high-camp bacchanalia of sedition and backbiting", which was supposedly inspired by the Claudian Dynasty of imperial Rome, the original show got through nine seasons of outrageous plot twists, says Tim Martin for The Economist's 1843 magazine.

Indeed, by the end, "its central family of oil barons had been through so many murders, massacres, machinations, hostile takeovers and hair-pulling fisticuffs that they had started to resemble children's soft toys with the stuffing coming out".

A modern remake was released on Netflix earlier this month. "Set against a sedulously tawdry backdrop of Learjets, tasteless McMansions and gleaming limos," it "sticks fairly close to the narrative lineaments of the original." So you have the "driven, intolerant daughter" arriving to take "her rightful place in her father's oil empire" only to find "her dad, Blake, in flagrante with junior executive Cristal, who in short order becomes Wife No. 2".

At the same time, you have her brother "spending his inheritance on disrupting his father's projects". However, despite the best efforts of the production team, the new version looks like "a stage set, full of actors dutifully spouting snark".

Perhaps the real problem is that "it's getting tough to think what tricks Dynasty could bring to the table that wouldn't instantly be steamrollered by the live-action soap opera of the American first family".

The scriptwriters "would be hard pushed to invent a shoulder-pad-ripping catfight that was more entertaining than last week's spat between Ivana and Melania Trump over who was the real' first lady". Similarly, patriarch Blake Carrington, "a self-admiring stuffed shirt" who "refuses to accept that the world around him is changing", is "less compelling than his real-life counterpart swanking about Mar-a-Lago with his itchy Twitter finger on the nuclear button".

Tabloid money we must address the scandal of student debt

"It's about time we addressed the scandal of student debt," says Saira Khan in the Sunday Mirror. Graduates in England leave university with £50,000 in debt on average, rising to £57,000 for the poorest. Those of us who benefited from more "benevolent times" can't just expect young people to "lump it". We should pay their tuition fees and give them interest-free loans to cover living expenses. "If we invest in the next generation of workers now, their future contributions to theeconomy in growth, innovation and taxes are sure to pay us back tenfold."

Wonder Woman, starring Gal Gadot, smashed all sorts of box-office records in the US, taking $400m "within about six seconds of its release" earlier this year, says Jeremy Clarkson in The Sun. But the film is awful. Wonder Woman has no funny lines, like you get with Robert Downey Jr, who plays Iron Man.

"She just stands there whirling around in front of a green screen while a bunch of dweebs make merry with the [special effects]." Bridesmaids, which was written by women, is the funniest film in years, while Gravity, the most gripping, was "virtually a one-woman show". Male-dominated Hollywood needs to grow up, apologise for Wonder Woman, and make Mrs Incredible.

Buckingham Palace is looking for an archivist to transfer documents in the royal library to a digital system, says Adam Helliker in the Sunday Express. Discretion in the job is vital. The papers contain details of events the royals would rather keep under wraps, such as Edward VIII's links to Hitler, and "the tangled affairs of the cocaine-loving" Duke of Kent, who was killed in a plane crash in 1942. "So far removed from the fragrant life of our own dear Queen!"