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With the economy slowing down and house prices beginning to slide, the only thing that can rescue us is a royal wedding. But "until Prince Harry answers the call of an impatient nation", last month's nuptials of Pippa Middleton and James Matthews "will have to do", says Esther Addley in The Guardian. Despite having to settle for a 41-year-old hedge-fund manager, Middleton hosted a party "fit for almost-royalty". Highlights included "a huge glass conservatory-style marquee in the garden of the Middletons' home, priced by observers at £100,000". Ironically, the reception was held in Englefield House, previously used "for the filming of a US TV series in which 12 women competed to win the hand of a lookalike they believed was the prince".
Even if you weren't invited, you can get your own memento from the big day. "A personalised menu card used by Prince Harry has gone up for sale on eBay," says Hello magazine's Gemma Strong. A snip at £499, it includes a guarantee "that the menu is genuine and original' and was used by HRH Prince Henry of Wales". For the same price, you can get "Pippa and James's personalised wedding menu cards". If those aren't your style, there's also a "used souvenir wrist band, which granted entry to Englefield village while the wedding was taking place at St Mark's Church".
After the ceremony, the couple kicked off their honeymoon "with an exclusive stay on a private island in French Polynesia, following a short layover in LA", says Orla Pentelow in Vogue. During this time, they "stayed at the Brando, the most luxurious eco-friendly resort in the world, reportedly costing them around £3,000 a night". After a brief sojourn in New Zealand, they moved onto Australia, choosing the Park Hyatt "a hotel situated in the sought-after Rocks area of Sydney", costing "nearly £11,000 per night", before moving off to South Africa.
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While most people would be shattered by such travelling, the couple previously "together completed a 54-mile bike ride from London to Brighton, a 33-mile cross-country ski race in Norway and the Otillo Swimrun World Championship".
Such extravagance is expected for celebrities, but even "normal" couples don't have it easier. "When I told people that my soon-to-be husband and I were planning to go to Cornwall for our honeymoon, they would do a sort of sad-but-confused face," says Rebecca Reid in The Daily Telegraph. So, after "six months of justifying our Cornish honeymoon to everyone", it "all got too much", and they changed the plans to Tuscany. But if she and her intended thought it "would get people off our backs", they were wrong. "There is still a faint note of disappointment. We should, it seems, be jetting off to Mauritius or the Maldives."
The question is where all this "one-upmanship fever" is going to end. It's not just about money although where do "other brides and grooms find the money for a massive international bonanza after the most expensive day of their lives"? (The average cost of a British wedding is £30,000.) It's the desire for experiences "that can make a proper splash on Instagram". The pictures of Middleton and Matthews in climbing harnesses heading up Sydney Harbour Bridge are surely a sign that "the cult of competitive honeymooning has gone too far".
Tabloid money the disappearing rich
One in eight of those living over 80 will get dementia, according to estimates from the Alzheimer's Society. "So huge numbers of us will either suffer from it ourselves or end up caring for a loved one who's lost out in this tragic lottery," says Saira Khan in the Sunday Mirror. Given that, "I realised why so many families were up in arms" over Theresa May's plans for a so-called "dementia tax".
"If you or I got, say, cancer or heart disease, the NHS would pick up the bill. But if we get Alzheimer's, or some other form of dementia, our care will be means-tested Never mind the fact we might have paid a sizeable fortune in tax and national insurance all our adult lives. At our moment of greatest need, the state is more interested in how much we can stump up than how we can be helped to cope."
Actress-turned-lifestyle-guru Gwyneth Paltrow has hit back at those who laughed at her for "consciously uncoupling" from her husband, the Coldplay singer Chris Martin, three years ago, says the Daily Mail's Jan Moir. "I know it's a dorky term, but it's very worthwhile", Paltrow told Net-a-Porter's digital magazine The Edit recently, where she explains how it worked. She's right, of course, says Moir. "To struggle through, to park your own grievances and concentrate instead on having a civilised and grown-up divorce is no little achievement. Gwynnie, if I had one of your £260 sex-dust smoothies in my hand I would toast you and your good sense. Cheers!"
How much money do you need to be rich, asks Philip Collins in The Sun on Sunday. Labour says it will increase tax for anyone earning more than £80,000 a year. Meanwhile, half the country thinks you are rich if you pay 40% income tax, a YouGov survey has found. "The most interesting thing," says Collins, "is that, when you ask people whether they are rich, the rich disappear." Just 4% of people admit to being rich. "That's quite a problem when your economic policy depends on taking from the rich'. People who don't feel rich resent it."
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