Simon Cowell's 'orgy of self-obsession'

I like Simon Cowell, although it's hard to say why. He's not especially funny or eloquent, but he's very watchable and he can spot talent when he sees and hears it (a rare gift). The X Factor would be nothing without him.

But I hadn't realised how narcissistic he is. Perhaps you have to be, if it's your job to be famous, but his 50th birthday bash sounded gruesome: waiters wearing Simon Cowell masks, tablecloths featuring his silhouette printed on the fabric, a giant image of Simon Cowell projected 60ft high across the Palladian frontage of the Hertfordshire mansion where the party took place, even a video film of famous people singing his praises running continuously in the loos.

"The stench of new money was everywhere," fumed Amanda Platell in the Daily Mail. "Despite the recession and the new austerity, the nine-hour-long bacchanal proved that there is another world where the rich get richer and the vulgar get even more vulgar. There is something deeply unpleasant about today's nouveau riche and the excessive way they flaunt their wealth." As for Cowell himself, the party was "an orgy of self-obsession".

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The food sounded nice, though straight out of the nursery: a choice of cottage pie or shepherd's pie (with the inevitable 'SC' carved into the potato), and a trio of nursery puddings: apple crumble, bread and butter pudding and rice pudding, with custard and jam on the side. The wine sounded good, too; a white Puligny-Montrachet and a 2005 Pauillac. All in all an odd mixture of showiness and conservatism, rather like the man himself. And what would be the point of the nouveau riche if they didn't give us something to sneer at?

Roman Polanski's new home

Roman Polanski's lawyers have been trying their best to get their 76-year-old client out of jail. They want the Swiss Federal court to grant him bail and put him under house arrest instead.

It's small wonder Polanski wants out. He happens to have an Alpine chalet in Gstaad, a village of 2,500 people in the foothills of Mont Blanc. The village is so pretty it's sometimes called God's Hand after the legend that the Almighty rested His hand here during the arduous creation of the Alps.

But Polanski won't see it again any time soon. The Swiss judges have so far wisely decided that, given his track record, he can't be trusted to stay put unless he's behind bars. And as the public has been made aware of the full grim details of his case, it's been gratifying to see that many of the luvvies and euro-politicians who supported him are now making their excuses and retreating from the backlash, in fear for their own careers.

So Polanski now sleeps in a small, cold cell in Zurich's city centre jail, where inmates are allowed into the fresh air for an hour a day. It must be galling for him to think that his pine-clad chalet, with, as The Times puts it, its "breathtaking view of the soaring Rulihorn peak", is just a couple of hours' drive away. But it's reassuring for the rest of us to see that having vast wealth and friends in high places doesn't always buy you a get-out-of-jail-free card.

Tabloid money... Royal redhead goes into the red

"Dave's down-to-earth missus Samantha looked stylish at the Tory conference in cheapo £29 Zara heels," says Fergus Shanahan in The Sun. "Meanwhile, a former No. 10 wife, Mrs Blair, spends £250,000 on antiques for her £6m country mansion. Just imagine the headlines if this was the other way round."

"The man who wants to hold the nation's purse-strings after the next election has put his own cash into a bank only open to the super-rich," says the Sunday Mirror. Shadow Chancellor George Osborne is one of a handful of millionaires invited to join C. Hoare & Co, the oldest and most elite bank in Britain. This suggests "George knows nothing about the slashed savings rates, rising bank charges and crackdown on lending the rest of us have to deal with". Perhaps this is why he opposed the decision to bail out Northern Rock. "At Hoare & Co, established in 1672, Osborne's personal wealth is heavily insulated from the credit crisis engulfing the rest of the world."

The "debt-ridden" Duchess of York is closing her New York-based lifestyle-and-promotions business after it lost at least £1.35m in three years, says the News of the World. "The Royal redhead went into the red after failing to land any major endorsement deals..." She is now paying back creditors. "Sarah is in a huge money mess," said a "source" close to her.

Tony and Cherie Blair have splashed out £1.3m on their sixth home, according to the Daily Express. They have bought a "desirable mews house" in an undisclosed street in London in the latest of a string of deals worth up to £12m.