Who wants to be an inky wrinkly?

Now that the sun's out there's a feeling of optimism in the air, says Eleanor Mills in The Sunday Times. But, as always, there's "a downside". Although we've been lured into baring our "long-hidden" pale flesh, the hot weather has brought forth "a dark horde, a veritable plague of dragons and snakes, feathered wings, tribal art and misspelt Sanskrit".

From Victoria Beckham's back at the Wimbledon men's final to builders everywhere, the tattoo is "a blight on the joys of summer". Our national infatuation with it is evident in last week's picture of Prince Charles and supermodel Cara Delevingne at a charity function at St James's Palace. "Do you have any tattoos?" she asked him, showing him the tattoo of a lion on her finger and confiding that she has another that reads "Made in England" on a more intimate part of her anatomy.

It is only in the last 20 years that tattoos have "crept out of the underclass" and into the mainstream, says Mills. Now one in ten Britons has a tattoo, as do 45 million Americans. A "large chunk" of middle England is hiding "a little remnant of their freer days" under their business suit. But at least tattoos on arms and chests can be covered up, unlike tattooed faces.

"I spotted a little waif in Camden... the other day with a rose vine wriggling all over her cheeks," says Mills. "I wanted to shake her. It might seem cute now, but what will it look like when she's 50, or if she wants a more mainstream life?" I agree with Mills. Most "juvenile walks on the wild side" can be airbrushed away or forgotten, but tattoos are hard and painful to erase. Who wants to be an "inky wrinkly"?

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Osborne fights the flab

The Chancellor has "turned to technology to help him fight the flab", according to the Daily Mail. He now wears a fitness wristband that monitors how much exercise he takes. "The Up device links to a smartphone app, which provides an on-screen daily dashboard' monitoring wearers' sleep, exercise and other activities," says the Daily Mail.

Mr Osborne uses the Up, which is made by Jawbone and sells for £99.99, to see how far he has walked and run each day and to pick the best time for him to wake up. The device seems to be becoming the Cabinet's new must-have item Michael Gove also wears one. We must hope the device helps keep them both in shape without distracting them from the task in hand.

My kind of Lottery winner

When David Ashcroft won £12m in the Lottery 16 years ago, he said: "I'm an ordinary quiet introvert. This may change me but I hope not." The 46-year-old furniture restorer still lives with his elderly parents in a terrace house in Liverpool. He's bought a new work van, a caravan, a 4x4 Mitsubishi, and one or two little luxuries. He's had double glazing installed. Apart from that, his life remains the same. I admire him.

Tabloid money: 'I'm with the Tory Nimbys: scrap HS2'

Andy Murray and his girlfriend Kim Sears are to sign up as models for Burberry, says The Mail on Sunday. Insiders at the luxury retailer say boss Christopher Bailey is keen that the couple appear on its new billboard advertisements. Kim, 25, wore a £3,500 Burberry Prorsum gown to the Wimbledon ball last week. "Andy may not seem like the obvious choice for a fashion campaign, but he has proven he can scrub up incredibly well," says a source.

Nigella Lawson "is letting hubby Charles Saatchi keep all his £135m fortune in their quickie divorce", says The Sun. "The TV chef is not forcing Saatchi, 70, to sell off his collection of weird modern art. Nigella, 53 who is worth £15m wants to keep the divorce swift and amicable'."

Having failed even to question the £369m worth of payoffs to senior BBC executives, writes Carole Malone in the Sunday Mirror, "Lord Patten, the Corporation's Trust boss, says he hopes staff who were given six-figure payments often twice their salaries will do the decent thing and give the money back. He might as well hope for world peace It won't happen. And he's partly responsible."

"I never thought I'd find myself agreeing with Nimbys Dominic Lawson, Peter Mandelson, Boris Johnson and every Tory south of Solihull," says Brian Reade in the Daily Mirror. "But I'm with them about HS2". The high-speed railway will cost £70bn we don't have and what we need are better transport links across Britain between our great cities, not down it to London. HS2 will make us even more Londonocentric. "Put this scheme out of its misery."